This Christmas season, my awareness is watching my own, and others’ words and actions with each other. I am seeing some interesting things around me and within me that helps me understand more fully the human condition that I believe has always been part of the shared journey. I am mindfully looking without judgement at things that I historically would have had much opinion and judgment about – and the easiest part of this is understanding myself. Today I encourage you to look deeply at yourself to see if you understand why you do the things you do. I truly believe that we each contribute to the collective from our thoughts, words and actions in this shared human experience of Consciousness. So let’s look at what has brought my mind to this awareness – and see if you might bring new awareness to your minds too.
Recently, I have been receiving much loving energy from a few friends. How wonderful, right? Except I question the reason/motive for this energy. Each assures me that there is no “transactional” expectation from the help they have offered me in my recent moving time, yet… I feel something hanging in the air. Now this combines with my feeling that we all work instinctively from an ego-centred space which looks to gain something from each experience. This could mean money, regard (from oneself or others), fame, and/or sex. And really, I believe that sex is one of the biggest goals for many. In the help I have received, I have also heard much flattery (which has sounded quite sincere) and felt connections that to me are deep human connections.
My mind is very happy with making deeper connections with people – mentally and emotionally. Up until maybe a year ago, I noticed that I would often not allow myself to make these deeper connections with anyone except my closest connections (meaning family/spouse). Intimate connections were (and still are) limited for me, to my long-term relationships with a spouse or one single dating partner. Today I notice that many people are eager to share intimacy with much shorter-term contacts. This has always been the case in society of course, but now I’m noticing a different dance of energy. Some share intimate/physical experiences as they speak actual lies of deep love and connection with their partner (of the moment – and some even believe their own lies) and some do so by convincing partners about the shared enjoyment of sex as a physical need that both men and women have. I have always known myself to not be interested in such casual sexual partners as I know that I am the person who would feel used if I broke up with such a partner after having sex (once or many times). That is who I am and I have never wanted to have that thought in my head after any meaningful relationship.
I find that both married and single men (and women) are often drawn to casual sex as the pull of an instinctive urge is not easy for many to notice and to immediately avoid. I have experienced this from those I have dated since my very first dating experiences (and I’m sure I’m not unique here). Yet, there is a big difference (in myself at least) today as opposed to my teenaged years. Interestingly, I do not see many around me evolving with this clear awareness. Many people (again, both men and women that I am noticing) continue following the casual-sex pattern and then feel huge sadness and/or dissatisfaction for various reasons related to the experience after. I am somewhat shocked of course, that many that I meet are expecting/hoping for something different to occur after such repeated experiences with various partners. I am also noticing many prefer this to purely meaningful, intellectual and heartfelt connection. Some claim to want exactly this… just with sex too. I see this as skirting the issue of the primary intention. When I hold steady to my goal/intention (intellectual and heartfelt connection) I do see many connections fall away – much like in my teen years.
When I have shared this idea with other friends and even family, the most common response I receive is “well, that’s the price of being good looking.” And this led to more contemplation. To keep my own ego in check, I looked at who exactly gets sexual attention in our society. It may seem obvious that “good looking” people get lots of attention – yet what is good looking for one is not for another. And who else receives sexual attention? Here is what may not be comfortable to read for many, so I warn you now that what I’m going to share is based on Truths that most do not want to face/understand while their own egos are fed by feeling “good looking” (or even not good looking) today. People also have casual sex with the physically and the mentally handicapped; with vulnerable groups (infants, children and/or poverty-stricken individuals); with the elderly, with the sick, with the dying, with people waiting to have a surgery and those even expecting to personally/actually/physically deliver their own baby (all of these I have had first hand experience in learning through clients, friends, and/or family). And anyone can look up such facts (although I do not encourage feeding any minds with such a search). This awareness allows me (perhaps all of us) to understand human depravity.
It truly hurts my heart to think that society has made “non-Love-based sex” so incredibly acceptable. I will not do this (consciously) – though I know that those determined to lie (to themselves or to others) or mislead anyone will continue to have this experience if possible with people like myself too – acting from unconscious spaces within themselves. It’s time to wake up to the fullness of our own true awareness; to avoid looking away, and to understand human ego-tendencies.
Depravity is often understood as moral corruption. Which then might encourage us to understand morality too – morality may be understood as the distinction between right/wrong or good/bad. Now any person who is behaving in a way that may be questionable in this regard will have his/her own reasons or justifications as to why it is good/right. And a person only has his/her own conscience to live with as they continue to make either conscious or unconscious choices in their actions/behaviours with others. Any person that has, or is behaving from a known/discovered unconscious space – can help themselves and those effected by such actions – by acknowledging their own actions, accepting their own tendencies, and acting differently NOW – to show (themselves and/or ones they truly Love) that change is possible through mindful Awareness.
May we all understand ourselves and those around us to help effect positive change in the world. It begins with ourselves. Love has no intention to hurt – anyone. Mindless passion, desire, personal wants… are products of the ego. May we all act more from our Hearts and the space of Love, and may we recognize and change when we notice our actions based on the mind’s ego-centred tendencies. Let us also remember that even for the couple directly involved in such experiences, there is no long-term happiness and sustained-satisfaction from such experiences for either side… if one takes the time to look carefully at this. I remind you again, this is not the time to look away from the obvious. Let us lift ourselves and each other by facing such facts directly.
I truly believe this is possible – after all, many saints and sages have been the opposite extreme in their behaviours earlier in their lives. Let this remind us all to help guide those we Love towards the Light that they (and we all) truly are. And may our own Light never be dimmed from the Awareness of the Truths that we learn.
With Kind Blessings to All,
Hanifa
If you need help from either side of such an unconscious experience do contact me at hanifahelps@gmail.com or text 1-416-920-8975 to set up an appointment for healing!
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